We're Just Trying to Help
by Arsaem
Summary: For Agni's sake, he was their enemy! Zuko didn't care if Azula shot him with lightning, he didn't want to be their friend! Parody one-shot


**This was inspired by Kit Spooner's _Can We Keep Him?_ which is hilarious no matter how many times you read it. Warning for parody and over exaggerated characters.**

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 **We're Just Trying to Help**

"You guys are mean," Zuko grumbled, his arms crossed as he sat grumpily against a large bolder. He had long since given up on trying to run off, partly because he was in so much pain, partly because every time he did they'd always drag him back, saying things like 'We're just trying to help' and 'You can't be on your own with an injury like that!' Dammit, why oh why did Azula have to blast him with her lightning? And why did the Avatar and his friends decide to take him with them? He was fairly certain that if they just waited an hour or so, his Uncle would show up, and then he wouldn't be in this situation.

"Quite being such a baby," the little blind earthbender, Toph, scolded him. She was lying on her back, one leg resting on her knee while she picked between her toes. It was disgusting.

"We're just trying to help you," Katara said for the umpteenth time. Zuko had hoped that being very rude would get them to stop being so...so _nice_ to him, but to no avail. Apparently, Aang thought that they could be friends (for some reason) and Katara saw him as something equivalent to a lost rabbit-puppy without a home. How she ever got that idea, he had little idea. Sokka mentioned something about Azula...

"This is absolutely ridiculous," Zuko grumbled. "I'm being held captive by my enemies because they want to 'help me.'"

"Well we do!" Aang told him cheerily.

"If it's any consolation, I was against all this," Sokka chipped in.

"Sokka!" Katara scolded. "We couldn't just have left him there to die! What if Azula came back to finish the job?"

"I'm you're enemy!" Zuko shouted, utterly exasperated. "Why do you care?" He had sat up when he said this, rustling his still very wounded arm and causing him to wince in pain. Damn Azula. Damn her and her stupid blue fire and her stupid lightning.

"See, you're still hurt!" Katara cooed, as if that totally and completely excused kidnapping him. If it didn't hurt so much to firebend, she would no longer have hair.

Zuko sighed heavily and leaned his head against the rock he sat against. He closed his eyes and asked wearily, "Do you ever plan on _not_ holding me against my will?"

"We're not holding you against your will." Clearly, the thought troubled Aang. Even though it was completely true. "We're just making sure you're okay, and that your crazy sister doesn't come back to hurt you."

"That is one messed up family," Sokka commented offhandedly. "Seriously, you guys are siblings! Why is she trying to kill you?"

Zuko rolled his eyes. "Wouldn't be the first time," he grumbled, immediately regretting the words. Katara was cooing over him again, like an obnoxious mother pig-hen. "Oh Agni, what did I ever do to deserve this?"

"See Zuko, I think you're looking at this all wrong," Aang said, sitting up to probably give him a nice, long lecture. "I _know_ you're not all that bad. I think you're just confused-"

"-not confused."

"-You've had a rough life with crazy family members, not to mention you were raised from the start to think the Fire Nation is best. But I know there's more to you than just the angry banished Prince Zuko." Aang grinned in a friendly manner and said, "Don't you remember Ponhai Stronghold? You rescued me then!"

"Wait, what?" Sokka sat up looking confused, and Katara crinkled her brow.

"I rescued you so that I wouldn't lose my chance of capturing you myself," Zuko groaned. He pinched the bridge of his nose and wondered if maybe he had upset a spirit or something. "Can't you please just accept that I am and forever will be an evil Fire Nation prince who's trying to capture you?" He tried to emphasize the evil part, for their benefit.

"My point exactly!" Sokka agreed, before becoming serious and asking, "So what's this 'rescuing' business all about?"

Zuko groaned again when Aang launched into an excited retelling of his misadventures with Zhao, being saved by a "mysterious masked super cool sword-fighting guy" as he put it, and eventually finding out it was Zuko all along. "And now we're friends!" Aang finished.

"We're not friends." Seriously, why did Aang feel the need to befriend every single person he came across?

Katara broke the silence that followed by uncorking her waterskin and declaring, "I think it's time for another healing session."

"Oh Agni."

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 **I don't plan to continue this, but maybe I'll someday write another funny little one-shot that connects to this. I actually was going to write a legit story with this idea, basically where Iroh's a little late and Zuko gets hit by Azula's lightning instead. But then I was thinking how funny the situation could be, so...yeah. Plus, writing a full-on story is work, whereas one-shots are easy.**


End file.
